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Pork. Once, pork was a staple food in my life. Really, more like the foundation of my food pyramid as a die-hard Atkins dieter (which is a diet program I advocate for the obese). But in June 2009, I will be celebrating one year pork and beef free. In June 2008, I read a book that changed my life: The UltraSimple Diet by Dr. Mark Hyman. I was suffering from so many health related issues at the time I found this book: I was 210 pounds, picking up bacterial infections from every clinic, spa, hotel, and gym I visited (even the flesh eating, boil creating kind), and my hair was dry and brittle. My skin was so oily, I could have bottled it and labeled it "canola". The oil created super clogged pores. I was always bloated, irritable, and zapped of energy. I looked a mess. (Thanks, BigLaw! smooches!)
Anywhoo, so I read this book and it pointed to a program of balanced eating.
If you know anything about balanced eating, it typically excludes beef and pork and emphasizes organic lean chicken and wild fish (like salmon). After further research, I realized Dr. Hyman was promoting a macrobiotic way of eating. I lost 50 pounds, all of my health issues disappeared, my skin glowed, the weight loss was natural looking. Because my body healed itself, without prescription medication, I decided that I wanted my daughter to eat more balanced. Yes, I decided to exclude beef and pork from her diet...I want her to know that these should not be staple foods.
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So, as my Blogger and Twitter followers may know, I left West Coast BigLaw, with my school aged daughter in tow, to move back in with my Mother in her relatively small midwestern home while I studied for another bar exam and took steps to establish and build my own law firm. As you can expect, things got a little tense in that house. There were a few dynamics in play. First, Mother-Daughter-Grandaughter. Second, Mother-Daughter + Mother-Daughter. Third, Adult + Adult + Child. A fellow blogger, Anesidora, once said to me "You can't have two mothers in one house" and that she'd rather dive head first off the roof of her house than to stay with her mother. Boy, was she right.
My mother and I clashed severely during this time. The struggle: who is the parent to my daughter. The incident: my mother's repeated disregard of my wish that my daughter refrain from gorging on food that should be limited. Things such as, bacon, pork chops, flour gravy, hamburger, steak, eating an entire box of fruit snacks, eating 3 plates from the Chinese buffet, eating 3 orange cream fudgecicles in one sitting. Her argument: that she's the grandparent and that's what grandparents do. My argument: it is my parental wish that my daughter be raised to learn a healthier way to eat and that my mother was over stepping her boundaries and "usurping" my parental decision making power. Moreover, we LIVE in her house, so "grandparenting" must be exercised wisely. (Note: I love the word "usurping". Reminds me of one of the duties of loyalty re Corporations Law in law school). Her rebuttal: She thinks my idea is stupid. My re-rebuttal: As long as you're on 60 different medications for health issues related to eating unhealthily...um, you're stupid, I mean, my idea is not stupid. (Plus, my BF is a vegetarian. Daughter's about to live in a home with a macrobiotic and a vegetarian. Isn't it best to wean her now? But I digress...)
Anyway, so after sitting for the bar exam, I took a trip to the East Coast to kick it with a good high school friend and see NY, NJ, and other great sights. Because I have such a great BFF back home, she graciously kept my daughter FOR FREE during the trip since my Mother was out of town for some church convention that weekend. The deal, however, was that my Mother would pick Daughter up on Sunday. I was to return Monday afternoon.
On Sunday, I called BFF to speak to Daughter. She said that my mother met her at a popular Soul Food Restaurant to get daughter. End of that.
About a week after returning back home, I was sitting in my home office, when my mother came in the room and sat on my futon. Daughter came in right behind her. The the following conversation ensued:
Mother: GrandDaughter, wasn't that PORK CHOP we had at SoulFood Restaurant, soooooo gooooood?
Daughter: MMMMMM HMMMMM! ***insert pic of Daughter rubbing her belly***
Me: You ordered her pork? Are you deliberately trying to make me mad? I don't understand? Why would you order her pork when we have repeatedly had the conversation that I do not wish for my daughter to eat beef or pork?
Mother: Well, the food was already ordered by the time I got there.
I immediately turned my head back to my computer screen because at that point, my mother shifted the blame to my BFF. But it didn't make any sense. My BFF knows I do not eat pork. She knows I don't want Daughter to eat pork. More importantly, she knows me and my Mother have been fighting about Daughter eating pork, so why in the WORLD would she order pork!?!?!?!! Okay, so end of conversation. My mother walked out the room, with a smirk on her face, and full of glee. I thought nothing else about it.
Fast forward about 2 weeks. BFF and I are at her apartment. It's her last day to move out and I was helping her get the last few items. We realized that we didn't have the correct tools to take down her girls' bunk beds, so we hopped in the car to CVS to get the right tools and stopped at Wendy's for chicken and fries (not me, though. Just unsweetened tea until I get home to my miso soup, chicken, and brown rice). And we're just chatting and talking...and to be honest, I dont know how the SoulFood restaurant came up, but this conversation ensued:
Me: yea, I mean, my mother told me that you ordered Daughter pork at the SoulFood restaurant, and that's okay cuz...
BFF: WHAT!?!?!?! *choking on Wendy's french fry*
Me. yea, my mom told me that when she arrived at the SoulFood Restaurant, you had ordered Daughter pork....
BFF: I DID NOT!!! When your mom got to the SoulFood Restaurant, we hadn't even seen a waitress yet! No one had even come to the table yet!!! WHAT!?!?!?!
Me: [SCREECH!!!!] ***I almost bring the car to a halt in the middle of the road*** Wait, a minute, what??
BFF: YES! I was going to order all the kids chicken (Blogger's Note: BFF has four children. Yes, all by the same man. Yes, that man is her husband.) But you're mom came in and ordered Daughter pork. I told her that you would be mad, but your mom turned to my mom and commented on how stupid she thinks your idea is. You can ask [my] mommy and [my husband]! They were there!
Okay, so after hearing this, I snapped. And I sent my mother a text message. It was 4 times 140 characters long. I can't remember it verbatim, but it said something about her lying to me, shifting the blame to my friend, I don't apologize for this message, and that I was angry, disappointed, and disgusted with her ulterior motives.
Prior to hitting "send", I heard my brain say, "You know, a text message is not the right medium." But my brain also reasoned, "but if you wait to have this conversation like an adult, you're probably less likely to fully assert yourself because you know your mom is going to pull that "I'm the mother, this is my house crap." So I hit "send" with a vengeance.
As soon as I hit "send", I remembered my car-in-a-thunderstorm/landing-in-a-pond dream, and said to myself, "I'm about to get put out."
My mother text me and accused my BFF of being a liar. Then, my mother even called my BFF, stating she needed to hear BFF's account of what happened (Blogger's Note: How guilty does she look? Sheesh). BFF told her exactly what she told me in the car. Despite calling her a liar early, my mother affirmed that BFF's account was exactly what happened. (Blogger's Note: Weird.) When I finally decided to answer my mother's phone calls, she said that she never said that the food was ordered before she got there. At that point, I lost it...again. I couldn't believe she was trying to make me think I'm crazy! I told her that her attempt to save face was futile. She said I needed to apologize for speaking to her in that manner since I was her mother. I told her I was not apologizing. She told me that I needed to go live with BFF. Hmmm, but I knew that BFF no longer has her own apartment...
Yep, I got put out, with really no place for me and Daughter to go...
About 5 hours later, BF called - to see if he and I were still going to this party...when I told him what happened, and he rescued me...and let me stay at his crib. No big deal, because he is my BF. But if you read my blog "Bump Set Spike....***and rescue me, please***", you'll know what I've discovered now - that this was the beginning of something much bigger than me...
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